Regardless of gender, having children is one of the most challenging times in a person’s life. Both exhilaration and fear accompany it. While men also experience parental dread and worry, women generally experience these issues to a far greater degree.
Postpartum or postnatal depression (PPD) is one of the major problems that mothers deal with. Some people even mix it up with PTSD, it is fundamentally distinct from post-traumatic stress disorder. The serious issue is that not many people are aware of this. It is dismissed as mood swings or female problems.
A lot of women experience the trauma of childbirth. Also, there are several instances of problems like caesarean sections (C-sections), long labours, etc. There is also a term called baby blues, which are different from postpartum depression. It is worry, tiredness, and sadness that women experience after giving birth. According to WHO, 22% mothers in India suffer from PPD.
There are a lot of thoughts that trouble a mother during that period. She may feel like the child is her enemy, that it is holding her back, and then she feels guilty for having those feelings. They do not understand what they are feeling or why they are feeling it. There is constant crying, guilt, and a feeling of helplessness. People blame the woman for sulking and not being a good mother, but they do not understand the depth of their situation.
There is a saying that “it takes a village to raise a child,” but where is that village when she needs them? She has to labour for nine months and go through the most excruciating pain of her life to bring another human being to life. Her duty should be done, but it is not. The “good mother” tag, the societal pressure, her own existential crisis, etc. bring her down.
“My husband was very busy during our first child’s birth, so I barely had any support. One day I went for a walk with my baby to Marine Drive. It was a good view and a good evening, but I was not able to enjoy the view. I still remember how I sat down on a cement slab and broke down, crying. I did not care if there were people around or if they were looking at her. I just hugged my baby and cried for a long time. I did not tell anyone, not even my husband, as I did not know what happened. I used to get angry easily. I did not feel like meeting anyone or even dressing up. I did not know I could seek help or get help for this matter.” Dhanya Varma, Journalist and Talk Show Host
The new mother, Alia Bhat, says, “It is very important to also understand that taking care of your mental health and your own is equally important. Whatever makes you happy will also keep your baby happy. So whether it is taking that walk, taking time off, or finding that person to request them, “Listen, have a look at her or him for a while, and let me go get a break. Just stare at a mirror. Moms do not do it. They tend to feel guilty. I also have a constant support system that always reminds me that I am doing the best job possible.”
Here the intention of taking care of yourself is to be taken as we are aware of the privilege of the rich and the help they can afford and many cannot. Poverty can be one of the reasons women cannot afford to take time for themselves. There are other factors, like illiteracy and a patriarchal way of life, that render women helpless.
A colleague of mine once spoke to me about her issues after childbirth. She told me about her anxiety, irritations, and bad mental state during that period. She became so vulnerable as to accept that she used to remove her anger at her baby. When the baby cries a lot, she sometimes responded harshly. Then she would feel guilty about it. She had a supportive husband, and he used to wake up in the middle of the night to change the baby’s diaper and put it back to sleep. But she continued having these mental breakdowns. I pointed out to her that you suffered from postpartum depression. She said maybe, but she was not aware of it then. She needed help then but could not get it because she or the people around her was ignorant of the gravity of the issue.
It is said that if a mother is healthy, so will the baby, but only the physical part of health is looked after the child’s birth. The mental health is ignored or not given importance.
Dr. Alison Stuebe, says “If you’re exhausted, but you are lying awake because your mind is racing, your brain is not being your friend,”
There are various cases of mothers killing their newborn child due to this condition. They are surely extreme cases, but seeking help is a must at the start itself. The thoughts of harming their baby come into their minds, and they fear that they will actually do that.
Sure, there is happiness and love, but there is also fear and anxiety about a child’s birth in both parents. Mostly so in a mother, because not only her body but her whole life is turned around. There are a number of fears that a new mother goes through. Subjecting her body to this endurance is one of them. The dismay that their bodies are never going to be the same again
There are many support groups that women join to stay physically fit during their pregnancies and after childbirth. There are certain exercises they do for normal delivery. Like physical health, mental health is also important. Talking to your gynaecologist or seeking the assistance of therapists to help both wife and husband understand the condition and ask for assistance when necessary. Talking to family members is also important. The need for awareness among the people around a mother is of utmost importance.
