There is this beautiful Marathi movie called ‘Fun’eral. It takes us through a journey of how we see life and death.
“When a human being is born, he cries, but the whole world around him is happy. And when a human being dies, he is silent, and the whole world around him cries. Why is that? Give a smiling farewell to everyone who is parting ways.”
It is about four men who are unemployed and looking to start a business. After being dejected for so long, the main protagonist, Heera, got the idea to give funeral services. His friends objected, saying it was a cursed job and they could find something else. Heera convinces them, saying, “In today’s times, people manage to make a lot of money in life. But when they die, they will not have four people to give shoulders to their bodies. We will be those four people.”
They do a good job, as Heera has grown up watching his grandfather perform those rituals. It was when his neighbor’s granny, who loved him so much, died that he was shattered. He remembers his granny’s words that “everybody does business, and everybody provides services, but we should provide something special, from the heart, so that everyone remembers.”
They gave that special something by honouring the deceased’s last wish. The people who were interested in their services would fill out a form in which they would describe how they wanted to be sent off after their deaths. One of them wanted Dhol tasha to be played, while they took away his body. One of them wanted his wife to not wear white but the beautiful green saree in which he fell in love with her. Heera’s own grandfather wanted everyone to wear good clothes and no one should cry.
They also plant a tree every time they do the last rites of someone. One of the elderly said, “After my death, I want to become a vadacha jhad (banyan tree).” They could specify which tree they want to become in the form.
“The people who have never planted a tree in their lives have no right to burn sandalwood or any other wood after their deaths.”
In a scene, one man and his wife went to the police station to complain that their father had been scammed. He said his father broke his FD of 1.5 lakh and gave it to Heera. He alleged that Heera was a fraud and had cheated his dad. The police called Heera and took a statement from her father. He was very old and asked for water before giving his statement. He said yes, it is true that I gave Heera that money, because he was the first person to ask him what he wants and what is his wish. No one has ever asked me that. My son and daughter-in-law may be fed up with taking care of me, and rightly so, as I have become like their 3-year-old son. We both wet our pants, and we both have to be taken care of. I do not want to be a liability. After my death, I want to be sent off properly without disturbing my kids. The remaining amount I have donated is for other old people who are like me and cannot afford to pay for their last rites.
Isn’t it sad that most of us do not know how our dear ones are doing? We are living like robots. Getting up, going to work, coming back, mindlessly watching something, scrolling social media, and going to sleep.
When was the last time you asked your spouse “How are you?”. You talk to each other every day about electricity bills, house maintenance, groceries, the children’s school, your parents medicines, the plumber, the carpenter, etc. Everyone is doing their duties. One day, can you take a break and sit with your loved one and ask them how they are doing? I am sure when you ask them empathetically, there will be an outburst of their emotions, their insecurities, and their failing coping mechanisms. You will be surprised to hear what you don’t know about your close ones. You will be surprised at how much you have to tell them. You will remember that even you are vulnerable, and even you are coping. You will realise how happy they would be to hear from you.
Why are we afraid of being vulnerable in front of our loved ones? Yes, it is true that people disappoint all the time, but we cannot give up on them. God forbid if any of them have to leave us, we will always regret the conversations we never had. For our time, we denied them.
(Edit) An ex-staff member died of a heart attack at the age of 74 after I wrote this article. He was a nice person. He was the only man in my office with whom I went to tea with, and the people with whom I go to tea are special to me. He once asked me to guess his age. I did not know how to respond; I am not good at guessing ages, so I said 50. He laughed and said, “What are you saying? I have two grown up daughters and grand kids, I am 72.” When I heard the news of his death, the first thing I felt was regret. There were times when he used to ask me to go with him for tea after my lunch hours. I refused him many times as I would have to ask my boss’s permission to go. I wish I had broken some rules and gone to Chai with him when he asked.
Coming back to the movie’s premise, as an atheist, I would not want any rituals done on my body. I would want my organs to be donated if they can be and to donate my body to science for medical students. And I want to be a Gulmohar tree after my death.
How do you want your last days to be? How do you want your last rites to be performed?
