Today I am writing an account of my friend Mrunali, who fought back against patriarchy, and I am so proud of her. According to her, everything is fine until you start to question a woman’s dignity. That is when she feels the need to fight back. This was a half-hour monologue she gave me. She spoke continuously, and I was just listening to her speak, thinking that it was brave of her to tackle the people who think they are an inventory of knowledge and that they are the ultimate men who decide everything for others. I also thought this was great material to write about.
According to her, gender equality does not mean that we claim to be equal to men in physical strength or that if a man can lift a heavy weight, we want to do it (which women can do as well). It is that women should be treated with the same dignity and respect as men. That is equality to her.
A 17-year old girl recently lost her dad. Two years back, she lost her mom too. She was devastated, and understandably so, crying uncontrollably. She hugged Mrunali’s dad and cried. In the society, there was a meeting, where society members gathered around to talk about the future of the girl. Sympathies ran deep. Everyone was concerned about how a girl would live alone. According to Mrunali, the sympathies later on became a debate, and the debate became a war of sorts. Everyone thought their point of view was right. They believed that a girl should be married off as soon as she is single (patriarchal society, of course). Apparently, Mrunali and her friend were triggered by this attitude of the society towards a female, and they fought back.
She said "Ek ladki sahara nai sirf saath chahti hai" (A woman does not ask for support or dependency, she just wants her loved one to be with her and support her decisions.). If it was a boy, you all would never have discussed his marriage; you would have just offered your condolences and supported him in his career. Why are your sympathies gender-discriminating? You assign us last names; before marriage, our father's; and after marriage, our husband's last names. We never asked for it.”
“If you say women are dumb, or useless, etc., why do you need women in your life? You cannot live without a woman in your life. When your mother or wife stays away for a while, you call them to come back so they can attend to your needs. You do not know how to cook. You do not even pick up your plate after you eat your food. You require them even for a glass of water, which you are unable to get up and drink on your own, and you claim that women are useless.”
They said, "You talk about this like you know a lot. Have you ever faced discrimination at home? " She replied, "With all due respect and love to my parents, I have also faced it. For instance, my brother does not have a licence but still takes the car, roams around, and comes home. My mother just told him these words: "You should not drive a car without a license, right? What if something happens?' On the other hand, I have a licence and am an experienced driver. When I have to take a car, my mom tells me to take someone with me. Why is that? In the end, I am going to drive on my own, right?"
They were saying that these women these days dress in jeans and all and it ruins Indian culture. She tells me, "Did we stop them from wearing sarees or dresses? Let them wear it if they are keen. Why do they have to comment on our choice of dress? And does our attire define us?
One of her colleagues today told her, "yesterday I was at home. My two children were so troublesome I felt I should have come to the office instead." Mrunali tells me, "His wife is working as well, looking after their kids. Is it only her responsibility? He says he cannot handle his own kids for one day."
She says “All of this aside, there were women seated with these men. They sat silently, didn't say anything, or at the very least stood with us on this. They have perhaps accepted the patriarchal way.”
"Na Jung ka agaaz kiya,
na saat khadi hui,
jung shuru se pehle hatyaar dal diya."
(Neither did they initiate the war, nor stood with us; instead they surrendered the weapons even before the war started.)
By “war,” she did not mean violence, but rather a fight for their own dignity which every woman have to fight once in her lifetime.
